From Conrad With Love
Posted 10/22/2006 by Merlin
Mr. Keely handles this news posting:
Hello to all of you fellow pirates, who have downloaded and stolen our latest album, who have listened with bleeding ears to what you should have never heard, who have taken what is rightfully ours, seized our precious things with rapacious, grubby hands, despoiled the sanctity of our hallowed artifacts and raped the sacred effigy of our trust. And hello to all of you other people, who didn't do these things.
Tour preparation continues along the docks of the Mob House, Austin, Texas, where supply ships have been arriving all morning with crates of limes and sacks of un-tarred bitumen, sardius and garnets from the Orient, myrrh and lavender from Africa, and oils and chalcedony from Macau. If nothing else, it promises to be a pungent and bejeweled foray into America's slave-infested past, where generals of old vied for native conscripts along old Chippewa hunting trails. Typical stuff.
People keep asking me "So, you're excited about the tour? You excited about the tour?" Do people just feel obligated to ask that question? It's some sort of social formality, isn't it? Well, I wish they wouldn't feel so inclined to observe it. Yes, I'm excited about playing on the stage for people, yes I'm excited about talking to fans and shaking hands with all the people who stole our record and liked it. And yes, I'm excited to see our many friends along the road, some who are convinced we're no longer friends because I no longer email. But no, I'm not excited about the pile of dirty laundry that amasses in my suitcase, wreaking of death. No, I'm not excited about calling a small six foot long, coffin-like bunk on a cramped bus my bedroom for seven weeks, no I'm not excited about the way my voice is going to feel after screaming every night, and what infections ensue as a result. No, I'm not excited about being excited to see a Taco Bell because it's the only thing edible for miles. And not to belabor the point but again, no, I'm not excited about not being able to paint for nearly two months. So for all you people dying to ask me, am I excited about tour, I give you three yes's and five no's.
So, aside from packing crates of precious China and yoking stables of oxen, what are we doing in preparation for the tour whilst brimming with eager anticipation? We have a new keyboard player, his name is Clay and he's from Norman, Oklahoma, and he is going to be making sure that our songs remain in tune while Jason and I battle to put them out of tune. We are trying out a new piece of equipment, it's a Roland SPDS, and for all you people who know what this is, I can already sense your eyes rolling with palpable horror. Don't worry, we're putting our own sounds on it.
But that's just musical stuff, which isn't actually important, as I've since learned. More importantly, I've made some new t-shirt designs, I've made a new tour poster, and right now I'm working my ass off trying to redesign our hideous website. "But I like your website", people have protested. Yeah? Well, good for you, because I think it sucks. So with no further argument, I'm changing the color scheme from orange to blue, in preparation for upcoming changes in the psychic weather pattern, as predicted by Rob Brezsney. In this pursuit Merlin has been adding his touch of coding wizardry, and with fortune smiling down on us the entire monstrosity should be up shortly.
And in closing, I'd like to thank all those people who stole the record and actually liked it, and to look forward to the Brothers and Sisters on the upcoming tour, because their vocals added greatly to the recording of these tracks and hopefully we'll have a chance to feature some of them live. And for those of you who downloaded the record and didn't like it, all I have to say is shame on you for stealing it, and remember: we're not writing songs for you anyway, we're writing them for the people who like what we do, so there.
Conrad
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